The Fifth Child Who Doesn't Show Up

4/19/24

On Monday night, on the eve of Passover, we will read about the four sons. The Haggadah tells us about the four types of children who adorn our seder tables, all of whom we must engage: the wise child, the rebellious child, the simple child, and the uninitiated - the one who doesn't even know to ask.

In profound messaging, the Haggadah teaches us how to engage each child according to their level, ensuring they are each equally a part of the seder and part of the Jewish experience.

But one son is missing. One child is absent from this essential list.

It's the son who doesn't show up to the seder...

The four sons may each be different from each other, radically different even, in their attitudes and approaches to Judaism. But at least they show up.

Even the rebellious child or "the evil son,"-- who argues that the seder is meaningless and declares that he has no part in it --even he is there!

But then there's the child who's been forgotten. The Jew in our neighborhood who doesn't have family and wasn't invited to a seder. The child who feels so estranged and distant from the Jewish community that he doesn't even have it within him to rebel... He simply doesn't care at all. He doesn't show up.

It is this son - the fifth son - about whom our most vital responsibility lies. We must ensure that they, too, have a place at the seder. It is our duty to guarantee that there will be no fifth son who does not attend.

Argue, if you will. Rebel, even. But be there. 

In a yearly tradition started by President Carter in 1978 which has continued by every president since, President Biden proclaimed today as "Education Day," commemorating the 122nd birthday of the Lubavitcher Rebbe of righteous memory, a man who, perhaps more than any other Jewish leader in all of history made it his job to ensure that there be no fifth child. A man who took the responsibility to ensure that every Jew in the world, no matter their politics, background, religious observance--or lack thereof--would have a place at a seder and, more broadly - a seat in a Jewish community.

The Rebbe did this by building thousands of Jewish educational centers and Chabad houses around the world, with a mission best articulated by former British Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, who said, "If the Nazis searched out every Jew in hate, the Rebbe would search out every Jew in love."

In contrast to other orthodox groups, the Rebbe tasked his followers with moving away from their hometowns and close-knit communities to build new communities for people who might otherwise not have one. To ensure that every Jewish child is part of a seder and that every Jew can connect with Judaism on their own level.

Hadassah and I are one of the thousands of couples who were inspired by his vision. Our mission to enrich Jewish life on MV won't end until we ensure that every Jewish person living on or visiting MV has a warm and vibrant place to connect with Jewish life and identity and experience the love and warmth of Judaism.

Ironically, the Rebbe's radical vision of reaching out to Jews across all backgrounds has sparked the ire of many an opinionated Jew. Progressives are at times unhappy that Chabad welcomes Republicans, and Conservatives are at times disappointed that Chabad welcomes liberals. Folks who are critical of Israel can't stand that Chabad platforms Zionists and Zionists don't seem to appreciate Chabad's welcomeness to those critical of Israel.

But the explanation is simple: Chabad is as pro-Israel as they come (I'd argue more so than most Zionists), but the Rebbe taught that Chabad's door must always be open to everyone. If you're a Jew, you're family. And if you're family, you have a place. Your politics could be red, blue, green, yellow, or pink. It matters nothing. Nada. 

In a sad and bitter commentary, we have another type of fifth son this year. Another child who won't be attending the seder. 133 of them. I saw a video of Israel's President Herzog asking that in solidarity with the hostages, we should all leave an empty chair at our seder, lest we forget our brothers and sisters who are held in the darkest of slavery.

In the Rebbe's spirit, I'd agree that we should add another chair, but I'd argue that instead of leaving it empty, we should fill it up. 

We should each reach out to someone in our neighborhood who might not have a seder and invite them to fill the extra seat. This would be an honorable way to remember the 133 "Fifth Sons" in Gaza while simultaneously ensuring there will be one less fifth son absent from a Seder in our communities.

A beautiful worldwide initiative inspired by our dear friend and community member Sharon Bialy is that we should decorate the chairs of our seders with a yellow ribbon in solidarity with the hostages and their families. I've included the information below.

I like that idea more than President Herzog's. Until every Jew in our neighborhoods has a place at a Seder, we have no business in leaving a chair empty.