Jacob's 3 Golden Rules 

12/5/2025

In attempting to navigate his perilous relationship with his brother Esau, this week's parsha gives us a remarkable window into how Jacob approached some of life’s greatest challenges and offers a critical guide for how we might do the same.

Years had passed since Jacob and Esau had last seen each other. Jacob had long been on the run after learning that Esau was bent on murdering him for having deceived their father Isaac and receiving the blessings originally intended for Esau.

Now, for the first time since their fallout, their paths were about to cross. In a few short verses, the Torah describes how Jacob approached this volatile moment and sheds light on how we can approach our own challenges and achieve the successes we seek in our lives.Jacob did three things in preparation for his meeting with Esau:

1. “The gift went on ahead of him.”

Jacob’s first move was to send a gift, hoping to repair the broken relationship.

When we face a challenge, our first step should be to be proactive and take whatever practical actions we can to pursue the success we are hoping for.

Esau hated Jacob and wanted to kill him, and Jacob had every reason to assume the relationship was over. But Jacob had never given up on the hope that he and Esau might yet embrace again, and he was willing to take his chances and do whatever work it would take to get there.

Jacob’s first rule is to be proactive, to think big, and to do what you can to solve the problem and pursue your goal.

2. “God of my forebear Abraham…”

After preparing the gift, Jacob did something just as important. He prayed to G-d.

He knew that the likelihood of receiving Esau’s forgiveness was slim, and so he prayed, reminding himself that if G-d wills it, anything is possible. The G-d who created heaven and earth could certainly open Esau’s heart.

When facing challenges or working toward our goals, prayer allows us to think bigger than logic alone would permit us to. It allows us to channel G-d's blessings into the work of our hands and achieve infinitely greater results than we could have with our own finite capabilities.

Prayer also alleviates stress and anxiety, because it reminds us that while we must be proactive and do everything in our power (Jacob's first rule), we must remember that the outcome is ultimately in G-d’s hands, and that whatever happens will be his will.

Jacob’s second rule is that prayer is as essential to success as action. It expands our imagination and brings peace of mind.

3. “If Esau comes to the first camp and attacks it, the remaining camp will survive.”

Even as Jacob took action and prayed, he remained a realist. He understood that the meeting could unfold differently from what he hoped and prayed for, and that Esau might still seek to kill him.

And so Jacob created a contingency plan. He divided his family and cattle into two camps so that if Esau attacked one, the other would survive, giving Jacob the chance to rebuild and continue to prosper even while losing this relationship.When we set big goals and work proactively while praying for success, we must always prepare a Plan B and have a strategy for reaching our destination even if the avenue we worked and prayed for fails.

This pragmatic approach becomes significantly easier when it is combined with Jacobs' second rule. Because the awareness that the outcome of our efforts is ultimately up to G-d, helps us appreciate that while G-d certainly can say “yes” to our dreams, he can also say “no,” and his blessings may reach us through a different path.

Jacob’s third rule is that while we aim high and dream big, we must never put all our eggs in one basket.

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While Jacob was the third of our forefathers and preceded by Abraham and Isaac, the Jewish people have a unique connection to Jacob. We are known not as the children of Abraham or Isaac, but as the Children of Israel, Jacob's second name.Jacob is thus arguably the preeminent father-figure of the Jews, and we would be wise to pay attention to his life's lessons.This week, among other things, he teaches us that the three keys to success are:Think big.Pray humbly.Always have a plan B.

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Hadassah joins me in wishing you a Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Tzvi Alperowitz